I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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