and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
