When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
