Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
