You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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