well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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