I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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