So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
