I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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