She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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