when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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