I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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