If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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