You smell like stripper and shame
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
