omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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