So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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