so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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