my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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