Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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