you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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