This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
