There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
