Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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