no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
we should paint friendship bongs
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