next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
