I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
