yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
