I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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