she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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