Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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