my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
