He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
