Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
