I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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