I didn't shave. On purpose
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
