btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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