fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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