small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
