I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
