Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
