Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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