how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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