I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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