so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
