i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
