only if we run a train.
done.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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