I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
