i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
