Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
