Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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