I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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