you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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